Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they're like a gay fantastic four
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
