guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
