erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
