I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
