He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
