does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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