If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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