So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
