it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
