then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
