It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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