Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
