i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm bleeding and have questions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
