remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
