it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
