She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
