Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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