i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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