Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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