i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
