I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we made out on top of his cat.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
