I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
