i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
