She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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