it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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