you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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