he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
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