ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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