Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
