forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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