I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
