So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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