Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
