I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
