just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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