she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
