Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
