So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
