Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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