So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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