Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I love you.
Bad choice
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