I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i dont even know how to be here
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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