she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
and you fell through a lawn chair
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
