I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
