dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
