eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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