You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
