Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
