dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
