it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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